The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove Chapter 26~27

Twenty-sixVal and Gabe entered the bar, indeed stepped appear of the doorway and stood by the blinking pinball machine while their eyeball ad moreovered to the darkness. Val wrink conduct her nose at the hangover smell of stale beer and cig arettes Gabe squinted at the sticky floor, looking for signs of interesting brainsick life.Morning was the darkest part of a day at the Head of the keep ones shoulder to the wheel Saloon. It was so dark that the dingy confines of the bar protrudemed to suck light in from the street every time roughone opened the door, causing the twenty-four moment period regu-lars to cringe and hiss as if a touch of sunshine might vaporize them on their stools. song thrush moved behind the bar with a grim, if wobbly, determin-ation, swallow c come toee from a gar-goyle-green mug while a Tarryton extra long dangled from her lips, dropping long ashes down the breast of her sweater analogous the roll of tobacco turds of circumstantial ghost poodles. S he went ab attain setting up shots of cheap bourbon at the empty curve of the bar, lining them up analogous soldiers before a firing squad. every two or three minutes an old man would enter the bar, bent over and wearing baggy pants leaning on a four-point cane or the pull round hope of a painless death and climb onto one of the empty stools to wrap an arthritic claw most a shot glass and raise it to his lips. The shots were nursed, non tossed abide, and by the time mavis had finished her first cup of coffee, the curve of the bar looked like the queue to booby hatch crooked, wheezing geezers all in a row.Refreshments while you wait? The Reaper will see you now.Occasionally, one of the shots would sit untouched, the stool empty, and Mavis would let an hour campaign before sliding the shot down to the following(a) daytime regular and calling Theo to track down her truant. Most often, the ambulance would slide in and out of town as quiet as a vulture riding a thermal, and M avis would select the news when Theo cracked the door, shook his head, and moved on.Hey, instigate up, Mavis would say. You got a free drink out of it, didnt you? That stool wont be empty for long.T here had always been daytime regulars, there always would be. Her new restrict started coming in or so 9 A.M., younger men who bathed and s hold gamed every third day and spent their days around her snooker table, intoxication cheap drafts and memory a laser focus on the green felt lest they name a glimpse of their lives. Where once were wives and jobs, now were dreams of glorious shots and able strategies. When their dreams and eyesight faded, they filled the stools at the end of the bar with the day-time regulars.Ironically, the aura of despair that hung over the day-time regulars gave Mavis the closest thing to a thrill shed felt since she last whacked a cop with her Louisville Slugger. As she pulled the bottle of Old Tennis Shoes from the well and poured it down the bar to r efill their shot glasses, a hasp of electric loathing would shoot up her spine and she would scamper back to the other end of the bar and stand there breathless until her stereo pacemakers brought her flash lamp back down from redline. It was like tweaking deaths nose, sticking a KICK ME sign on the head of a cobra and getting away with it.Gabe and Val watched this ritual without moving from their space by the pinball machine. Val was cautious, just waiting for the right moment to move to the bar and ask if Theo had called. Gabe was, as usual, just being socially awkward.Mavis draw back to her spot by the coffeepot, presumably out of deaths reach, and called down to the touch. You two destiny something to drink, or you just window-shopping?Gabe led them down the bar. Two coffees please. He looked quickly to Val for her approval, solely she was fixated on goujon, who was seated across from Mavis near the end of the bar. Just beyond him was another man, an incredibly gaunt gen tleman whose skin was so face cloth it appeared translucent under the haze of Maviss cigarette smoke.Hello, uh, Mr. Fish, Val said.Catfish, who was staring at the bottom of a shot glass, looked up and forced a smile through a face betraying hangdog sorrow. Its Jefferson, he said. Catfish is my first name.Sorry, Val said.Mavis made a amiable note of the new couple. She recognized Gabe, hed been in with Theophilus Crowe a quash of times, alone the muliebrity was a new face to her. She put the two coffees in front of Gabe and Val. Mavis Sand, Mavis said, but she didnt offer her hand. For geezerhood shed avoided tingle hands because the grip often hurt her arthritis. direct, with her new titanium joints and levers, she had to be careful not to crush the delicate phalanges of her customers.Im sorry, Gabe said. Mavis, this is Dr. Valerie Riordan. She has a psychiatric practice here in town.Mavis stepped back and Val could see the apparatus in the womans eye focusing when the ligh t from over the snooker table caught it right, the eye appeared to glow red.Pleased, Mavis said. You know Howard Phillips? Mavis nodded to the gaunt man at the end of the bar.H.P., Gabe added, nodding to Howard. Of H.P.s Cafe.Howard Phillips might have been forty, or sixty, or seventy, or he might have died young for all the animation in his face. He wore a black suit out of the nineteenth century, right down to the button shoes, and he was breast feeding a glass of Guinness Stout, although he didnt look as if hed had any caloric intake for months.Val said, We just came from your restaurant. Lovely institutionalise.Without changing expression, Howard said, As a psychiatrist, does it bother you that Jung was a Nazi sympathizer? He had a flat, upper-class British accent, and Val felt vaguely as if shed just been spat upon.Ray of sunshine, Howard is, Mavis said. Looks like death, dont he?Howard cleared his throat and said, Mavis has come to mock death, since most of her mortal parts h ave been replaced with machinery.Mavis leaned into Gabe and Val as if guarding a secret, even as she raised(a) her voice to make sure Howard could detect. Hes been cranky for some ten years now and drunk most of that time.I had hoped to develop a laudanum fit out in the tradition of Byron and Shelley, Howard said, but procurement of the substance is, to say the least, difficult.Yeah, that month you drank Nyquil on the rocks didnt help either. Hed drop off at the bar stool sittin heterosexual person up, sit there asleep sometimes for four hours, then wake up and finish his drink. I have to say, though, Howard, you never coughed once. Again Mavis leaned into the bar. He pretends to have consumption sometimes.Im sure the good doctor is not interested in the particulars of my substance abuse, Mavis.Actually, Gabe said, were just waiting for a call from Theo.And I commend Id prefer a Bloody Mary to coffee, Val said.Yall aint goin to talk me into chasin no monster, so dont even try, Catfish said. I got the Blues on me and I got some drinkin to do.Dont be a wuss, Catfish, Mavis said as she mixed Vals cocktail. Monsters are no big deal. Howard and me got one, huh, Howard?Walk in the proverbial park, Howard said.Catfish, Val, and Gabe just stared at Howard, waiting.Mavis said, agate line your drinking started right after the last one, didnt it?Nonstop, Howard said.TheoIt occurred to Theo, as he tried to keep a safe distance from the sheriffs serve turning into the ranch, that he had never been trained in the proper procedure for tailing someone. Hed never really followed anyone. Well, there was a sixth-month period in the seventies when he had followed the Grateful gone around the country but with them, you just followed the trail of tie-dye and didnt have to worry about them killing you if they found out you were behind them. He also recognize that he had no idea why, exactly, he was following Burton, except that it seemed more aggressive than curling into a ball and dying of worry.The black Caddy dour through a cattle gate onto the section of the ranch adjacent the ocean. Theo slowed to a stop under a line of eucalyptus trees beside the ranch road, keeping the sheriff in sight between the tree trunks. The grassy marine terrace that dropped to the shoreline was too open to go onto without Burton noticing. He would have to let the Caddy pass over the next hill, nearly half a mile off the road, before he dared follow. Theo watched the Caddy bump over the deep ruts in the road, the front wheels throwing up mud as it climbed the hill, and suddenly he regretted not having driven the red four-wheel-drive truck. The rear-wheel-drive Mercedes might not be able to follow much farther.When the Caddy topped the hill, Theo pulled out and hired gunned the Mer-cedes through the cattle gate and into the field. Tall grass thrashed at the underside of the big German car as rocks and holes jarred Theo and threw Skinner around like a toy. Momentum carr ied them up the side of the first hill. As they approached the crest, Theo let off the gas. The Mercedes settled to a stop. When he applied the gas again, the back wheels of the Mercedes dug into the mud, stuck.Theo left Skinner and the keys in the car and ran to the top of the hill. He could see more than a mile in every direction, east to some rock outcrop-pings by the tree line, west to the ocean, and across the marine terrace to the north, which curved around the coastline and out of sight. South, well, hed come from the south. Nothing there but his cabin and beyond that the crank lab. What he could not see was the black Cadillac.He checked the battery in his carrell phone and both pistols to see that they were loaded, then he set out on foot toward the rocks. It was the only place the Caddy could have gotten out of sight. Burton had to be there.Twenty minutes later he stood at the base of the rock outcroppings, sweating and severe to catch his breath. At least maybe hed get s ome lung capacity back, now that he wasnt gage pot anymore. He bent over with his hands on his knees and scanned the rocks for any movement. These were no gentle sedimentary rocks formed over centuries of settling seas. These craggy bastards looked like gray teeth that had been thrust up through the earths crust by the violent burp of a volcano and the rasping shift of a erroneous belief line. Lichen and seagull crap covered their surfaces and here and there a creosote bush or cypress tried to gain a foothold in the cracks.There was supposed to be a cave around here somewhere, but Theo had never seen it, and he doubted that it was big enough to park a Cadillac in. He stayed low, moving around the edge of the rocks, expecting to see the flash of a black fender at every turn. He drew his service revolver and led around each turn with the barrel of the gun, then changed his strategy. That was like broadcasting a warning. He bent over double before peeking around the next corner, figu ring that if Burton comprehend him or was waiting, he would be aiming high. The vastness of what Theo didnt know about surveillance and combat techniques seemed to be expanding with every step. He just wasnt a sneaky cat-o-nine-tails.He skirted a narrow path between two fanglike towers of rock. As he prepared to take a quick peek around the next turn, his foot slipped, sending a pile of rocks skittering down the hill like disquieted glass. He stopped and held his breath, listening for the sound of a serve up somewhere in the rocks. There was only the crashing surf in the distance and a low whistle of coastal wind. He ventured a quick glisten around the rock and before he could pull back, the metallic click of a gun cocking behind his head sounded like icicles being driven into his spine. molly molly was sorting through the piles of clothing the pilgrims had left by the cave entrance. She had come up with two hundred and fifty-eight dollars in cash, a stack of Gold Cards, and m ore than a dozen vials of antidepressants.A voice in her head said, You havent seen this many meds since you were on the lock-down ward. They have a lot of irk calling you crazy. The narrator was back, and Molly wasnt at all happy about it. For the last fewer days, her cerebration had been incredibly clear.Yeah, youre helping a lot with my mental health self-image, she said to the narrator. I liked it better when it was just me and Steve.None of the pilgrims seemed to notice that Molly was talking to herself. They were all in some trancelike state, devoid naked, seated in a semicircle around Steve, who lay in the back of the cave, where it was dark, with his head tucked under his forelegs, flashing sullen colors across his flanks olive drab, rust, and blue so dark that it appeared more like an afterimage on the back of the eyelid than an actual color.Oh yeah, you and Steve, the narrator said snidely. Theres a tidy couple the two greatest has-beens of all time. Hes sulking, and youre robbing people who are even nuttier than you are. Now youre dismission to feed them to old lizard lick over there.Am not.Looks like none of these people has had any sun or exercise since high school gym class. Except for that guy who came in Birkenstocks, and he has that Gandhi-tan vegetarian starvation stare that looks like hed slaughter a whole kindergarten for a Pinks foot-long with sauer-kraut. You feel okay about making them strip and prostrate themselves before the big guy?I public opinion it would make them go away.The lizard is using you.We care about each other. Now just shut up. Im trying to deal.Oh, like youve been thinking so far.Molly shook her head violently to try and dislodge the narrator from her mind. Her hair whipped about her face and shoulders and stood out in a wild mess. The narrator was quiet. Molly pulled a compact out of one of the pilgrims purses and looked at herself in the mirror. She certainly couldnt have looked much crazier. She braced for t he narrators comment, but it didnt come.She tried to get in touch with the warm feeling that had been running through her since Steve had appeared, but it just wasnt there. Maybe the pilgrims were using up his energy. Maybe the magic had just passed.She remembered sit down on a deck in Malibu, waiting for a manufacturing line of business who had just made love to her, only to have his Hispanic maid exhibit up with a glass of wine and an apology that The mister had to go to the studio, he very sorry, you call him next week please. Molly had really liked the guy. Shed broken her foot kicking his spare Ferrari as she left and had to eat painkillers through the filming of her next movie, which eventually put her in detox. She never heard from the producer again.That was being used. This was different.Right, said the narrator sarcastically.Shhhhh, Molly said. She heard someone scuffling on the rocks outside the cave. She snatched up the assault rifle and waited just inside the cave mo uth. xxviiValVal was wishing she had a video recorder to preserve the gargantuan lie that Mavis Sand and Howard Phillips had been set uping over the last hour. According to them, ten years ago the village of Pine Cove had been visited by a teras from hell, and only through the combined effort of a handful of drunks were they able to banish the demon whence it came. It was a magnificent delusion, and Val thought that she could at least get an aca-demic paper on shared psychosis out of it. Being around Gabe had ignited her rapture for research.When Mavis and Howard wrapped up their story, Catfish started in with his tale of being pursued through the bayou by a sea monster. Soon Gabe and Val were spouting the expand of Gabes theory that the monster had evolved the ability to affect the brain chemistry of its prey. Tipsy after a few Bloody Marys and taken by the momentum of the tale, Val confessed her surrogate of Pine Coves supply of antidepressants with placebos. Even as she unbu rdened herself, Val realized that her and Gabes stories were no more credible than the fairy tale Mavis and Howard had just told.That Winston Krauss is a weasel, Mavis said. Comes in here every day acting like his s smasher dont stink, then overcharges the whole town for something they aint even gettin. Shoulda known he was a fish-fucker.Thats in strictest confidence, Val said. I shouldnt have mentioned it.Mavis cackled. Well, it aint like Im gonna run tell Sheriff Burton on you. Hes weasel with a capital Weas. Besides, girl, you increased my business by eighty percent when you took the wackos off their drugs. And I thought it was old Mopey down there. Mavis shot a bionic thumb toward Catfish.The Bluesman put down his drink. HeyGabe said, So you believe that there really is a sea monster on that ranch?What reason would you have to lie? said Howard. It would seem that Mr. Fish is an eyewitness as well.Jefferson, Catfish said. Catfish Jefferson.Shut up, you chickenshit, Mavis spat. Yo u could have helped Theo when he asked you. Whats that boy think hes doing following that sheriff out to the ranch anyway? Its not like he can do anything.Gabe said, We dont know. He just left and told us to come here and wait for his call.Yall some heartless souls, Catfish said. I lost me a good woman because of all this.Shes smarter than she looks, Mavis said.Theo has my Mercedes, Val added, feeling out of place even as she said it. Suddenly she felt more ashamed of looking down on these people than she did about all of her professional indiscretions.Im getting worried, said Gabe. Its been over an hour.I dont suppose you thought about calling him? Mavis asked.You have his cell phone number? Gabe asked.Hes the constable. Its not like hes unlisted.I suppose I should have thought of that, said Howard.Mavis shook her head and one of her wild eyelashes sprung up like a snare trap. What, you three got thirty years of college between you and not enough smarts to dial a phone without a designing?Astute observation, Howard said. I aint got no college, Catfish said.Well, cheers to you for being just naturally stupid, Mavis said, picking up the phone.The daytime regulars at the end of the bar had snapped out of their malaise to have a laugh at Catfish. Theres nothing quite so satisfying to the desperate as having someone to look down on.TheoThe gun barrel was pushed so hard into the spot behind Theos ear that he thought he could hear bone cracking. Burton reached around and took the .357 and tossed it aside, then he took the impulsive from Theos waistband and did the same.On the ground, facedown. Burton kicked Theos feet out from under him, then put his knee in the constables back and handcuffed him. Theo could taste blood where his lip had split hitting the rock. He turned his head to the side, raking his cheek on some lichen. He was terrified. Every muscle in his body ached with the need to run.Burton smacked him across the back of the head with his pistol, not ha rd enough to knock him out, but when the white-hot light of the blow faded, Theo could feel blood oozing into his right ear.You fucking stoner. How dare you fuck with my business?What business? Theo said, hoping ignorance might buy his life.I saw your car at the lab, Crowe. The last time I talked to Leander he was on his way to see you. Now where is he?I dont know.The pistol smacked Theo on the other side of the head.I dont fucking know Theo shrieked. He was at the lab, then he was gone. I didnt see him leave.I dont care if hes alive or dead, Crowe. And it doesnt make any difference to you either. But I need to know. Did you kill him? Did he run? What?I think hes dead.You think?Theo could feel Burton rearing back to hit him again.No Hes dead. Hes dead. I know it.What happened?Theo tried to think of a plausible explanation, something that would buy him a minute, a few more seconds even, but he couldnt clear his head. Im not sure, he said. I?CI heard gunfire. I was in the shed. When I came out, he was gone. so how do you know hes dead?Theo couldnt see any advantage to telling Burton that Molly had told him. Burton would track her down and put her in the same shallow write in code that he was going to end up in.Fuck you, Theo said. Figure it out.The pistol whipped across the back of Theos head and he nearly passed out this time. He heard a ringing in his ears, but a second later he realized that it wasnt in his ears at all. His cell phone was ringing in his shirt pocket. Burton rolled him over and put the barrel of the gun on Theos right eyelid.Were going to answer this, Crowe. And if you fuck up, the calling party is going to hear a very loud disconnect. The sheriff bent down until his face was almost touching Theos and reached for the phone.Suddenly a series of deafening explosions went off a few feet away and bullets whined off the rocks like angry wasps. Burton rolled off Theo and into a shallow crevice just below them. Theo felt someone grab his turn back and pull him to his feet. Before he could see who it was, a dozen hands closed on him and dragged him out of the sun. He fell hard on his back and the gunfire stopped. His phone was still ringing. A cloud of bats was swirling above him.He looked up to see Molly Michon standing over him with a smoking assault rifle, and in that second, she looked like what he had always ima-gined an avenging angel might look like, except for the six naked white guys standing behind her.Hi, Theo, she said.Hi, Molly.Molly pointed to the phone in his shirt pocket with the barrel of her rifle. You lack me to get that?Yeah, it might be important, Theo said.There was a gunshot and a bullet whined off the edge of the cave entrance and ricocheted into the darkness. Theo could feel the roar that rose up out of the back of the cave vibrating in his ribs.The SheriffBurton reached over the edge of the crevice and laid-off a shot in the general direction of the cave, then braced himself for return fire from the AK-47, but instead he heard a thriving that sounded like someone had dropped the entire cast of The Lion King in a deep fryer. Burton was not a coward, not by any means, but a man would have to be insane not to be frightened by that noise. Too much weirdness, too fast. A woman in a leather bikini and thigh-high boots firing an AK-47 while six naked guys dragged Crowe into a cave. He needed time to re free radical, call in backup, drink a fifth of Glenlivet.It seemed safe here for the time being. As long as he didnt move, no one could get a firing angle on him without making a target of himself. He pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket, then paused, trying to figure out who to call. A general officer-in-trouble call could shoot anyone, and the last thing he needed was television helicopters hovering around. Besides, his goal wasnt to arrest the suspects, he needed them silenced for good. He could call in the guys from the crank lab, if he could get hold of them, but the vis ion of a bunch of untrained illegal immigrants running around on this hill with automatic weapons didnt seem like the best strategy either. He had to call SWAT, but only his guys. Eight of the twenty men on the SWAT team were in his pocket. Again, he couldnt go through dispatch. Theyd have to be called in on private lines. He dialed the number that rang into the information center deep in the basement of the county justice building. The spider picked up on the first ring.Nailsworth.Its Burton. Listen, dont talk. Call Lopez, Sheridan, Miller, Morales, OHara, Crumb, Connelly, and LeMay. Tell them to come in full SWAT to the Beer Bar Ranch north of Pine Cove, the northern admission charge road. Theres a cave here. Pull up whatever maps you need and give them directions. Do not use open channels. They are not to log in or report to anyone where they are going. There are at least two suspects in the cave with automatic weapons. Im pinned down about ten yards from the west-facing entran ce. nurse them meet south of the rocks, theyll see them, then have Sheridan call me. No aircraft. Find out if theres another entrance to this cave. I need everyone in place ASAP. Can you do it?Of course, the rover said. Its going to take them a minimum of forty minutes, maybe more if I cant find them all.Burton could hear the Spiders fat fingers blazing on his keyboard already. Send whoever you can find. Tell them to come in separate cars. Tell them to avoid sirens if possible on the way up, definitely once they hit the ranch.Do you have descriptions of the suspects?Its Theophilus Crowe and a woman, five-eight, one twenty, twenty-five to forty years old, gray hair, wearing a leather bikini.Twenty-five to forty? Pretty specific, the Spider said sarcastically.Fuck you, Nailsworth. How many women do you think are running around these hills wearing a leather bikini and shooting an AK? Call me when they are on the way. Burton disconnected and checked the battery on the phone. It would last.Since the roaring sound had come from the cave, it had been quiet, but he didnt dare peek over the edge of the crevice. Crowe he shouted. Its not too late to work this outTheoThe naked guys were standing over Theo, wearing dazed smiles, as if theyd all just shared a big pipe of opium. Jesus, was that it? Theo asked, Steves roar still ringing in his ears.Him, Molly corrected, holding up a finger to shush Theo as she pressed the answer button on his phone. Hello, she said into the phone. None of your business. Who is this? She covered the mouthpiece and said, Its Gabe.Tell him Im okay. Ask him where he is.Theo says hes okay. Where are you? She listened for a second, then covered the mouthpiece again. Hes at the Slug.Tell him Ill call him right back.Hell call you back. She disconnected and tossed the phone in the pile of clothing by the door.Theo looked up at the naked guys. He thought he recognized a couple of them, but didnt want to acknowledge that he did. Would you guys back o ff a little? Theo said. They didnt move. Theo looked at Molly. Can you tell them to go somewhere? Theyre making me nervous.Why?Molly, I dont know if youve notice, but all these guys are in a a state of arousal.Maybe theyre just glad to see you.Would you tell them to back off, please?Molly motioned for the naked guys to move away. Go. Go. Back to the back of the cave, guys. Go. Go. Go. She poked at a couple of them with the assault rifle. easily they turned and ambled farther back into the cave.What in the hell is wrong with them?What do you mean, wrong? Theyre acting like all guys do, theyre just being more innocent about it.Molly, seriously, what did you do to them?I didnt do anything. Thats how theyve been acting since they saw Steve back there.Theo looked to the back of the cave, but could only see the partially lit backs of a group of people sitting on the cave floor. Its like theyre in a trance or something.Yeah, isnt it cool? They came to help me get you when I asked, thoug h. So theyre not total zombies. Im, like, in charge.Blood was dripping out of Theos scalp, matting his hair and leaving spots on his shirt. Thats great, Molly. Could you get these handcuffs off me?I was going to ask you about those. Every time I see you, youre in handcuffs. Do you have a fetish or something?Please, Molly, theres a key in my front pocket.He gave you the key?Its my key.I see, Molly said with a knowing smile.Handcuffs all use the same key, Molly. Please help me get out of these.She knelt and reached into his pocket, keeping her eyes locked on his through the process. His head throbbed when he rolled over so she could get to the cuffs.As she pulled them off, they heard Burton call from outside. Crowe Its not too late to work this outOnce his hands were free, Theo threw his arms around Molly and pulled her close. She dropped her rifle and returned his embrace. Another roar emanated from the back of the cave. A couple of the pilgrims shrieked and Molly let go of Theo and stood up, gazing back into the darkness.Its okay, Steve, she said.What in the hell was that? Burton shouted from outside.That was Steve, Molly shouted back. You were asking what happened to Joseph Leander. Well, that was it. Steve ate him.How many of you are in there? Burton asked.Molly looked around. A bunch.Who in the hell are you?I am Kendra, Warrior Babe of the Outland. She shot a silly grin at Theo, who was trying to follow what was going on up here, while listening to some disturbing stirring noises going on in the back of the cave.What do you want? Burton asked.Without a beat, Molly said, Ten percent of the gross on all my films, retroactive fifteen years, an industrial-strength weed-whacker with gas, and world peace.Seriously. We can work this out.Okay. I want sixty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a couple of gallons of Diet Coke, and She turned to Theo, You want anything?Theo shrugged. Hell, as long as they were stalling. A new Volvo home wagon.And a new Volvo station wagon, Molly shouted. And we want it with two cup holders, you bastard, or the deals off. She turned and beamed at Theo.Nice touch.You deserve it, Molly said. Suddenly her eyes went wide as she looked past Theo. No, Steve she screamed.Theo rolled over to see a huge pair of jaws descending over him.